Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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