great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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