I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
