It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
