i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
