Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
