I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
