Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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