I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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