just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
