I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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