opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
