saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
