nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
