oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
