we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm like, not good at living.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
