yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
