weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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