True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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