it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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