also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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