i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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