apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
