It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
