Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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