I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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