First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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