I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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