I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
