I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
