I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
