I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
