so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
