She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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