I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
