I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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