there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
