Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
