you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
