she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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