We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
