You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
