i think my tv is drunk
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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