she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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