So drunk its hurt
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
