so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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