I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
