There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
