Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
