I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
