He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
